As we had recommended in the Essay Writing process, in a 3-week schedule, 1 week should be dedicated for rewriting the essay. Applicants depend on consultants and editors to rewrite the essay, at least to kick start the process. Ideally, avoid borrowing phrases from consultants, but include your unique voice and rewrite the essay for these ten scenarios:
1) Style Mismatch
A formal or a conversational style throughout the essay would be counterproductive. Mixing and matching the two would have a better impact. Phrases and sentences synthesized from multiple levels of consciousness - creative and routine, or widely separated writing sessions can lead to inconsistent style for the narrative. Each paragraph should look like it came from the same author. A free flowing first draft or an iterative essay writing process will prevent style mismatch. Read Winning MBA Essay Guide to learn how.
2) Flow Mismatch
It doesn’t matter whether you are using Pillaring technique or found a method of your own. A flow of a paragraph is the frequency of the pronouns, nouns, and verbs, intermingled in a sequence that hooks you to the sentence. A great writer effortlessly finds the right frequency and takes the reader to the core of the idea, instead of making them aware of the prose. Everybody has a flow. You will find one after the first or perhaps the third or fourth draft. Once you get it, reviewers can easily find the difference between paragraphs that have been rewritten and made better, and the paragraph you left untouched, for the worst. Find the right reviewer to point out the flow mismatch. It is extremely tough to critique our own writing.
3) Poor Opening
As copywriters would advise, the idea of writing a memorable opening is to motivate the consumer to read the next sentence. A positive anxiety is healthy in the review process. The Admission team also feels loss aversion. They don’t want to miss out on a great candidate. How will they know that you are an interesting candidate?
The opening line should be a hint. It should force the reviewer to the next line. We have noticed opening lines with clichés that highlight an applicant’s greatest achievement, or goals that have been written to death or dialogues that look out of place. The ones that hooked us to the essay used phrases or sentences that we rarely read in any other essay. They were based on personal values or the dynamics of a relationship or the vision for a future that inspired us to read the next line. How you phrase the first sentence has a huge influence over your candidacy. Instead of obsessing over what to write in the opener, write your first draft and start the rewrite process with the opening line.
4) No Proper Middle in the Essay
Writing and rewriting require an active awareness about the process. Most applicants are highly motivated when we reveal the process, but the challenges of work deadlines, take them away from writing, and when they come back, the flow is missing. Maintaining a high energy and motivation towards writing and rewriting should come from knowing that most movies, articles, and books become mediocre when the middle part of the narrative lacks a coherent connection with the first or last half of the creation.
A forced writing to meet the deadline or the word limits might have pushed the applicant to skip the transitionary middle, essential to keep the Admission team’s interest in your candidacy. The middle is the exact point where the Essay reviewer asks to herself – “Should I continue?”
One way to counter the loss of engagement is by considering the 2nd paragraph as the first and use a good opener again. Write the complete paragraph, and then rewrite the first line of the second paragraph to connect with the idea from the first. Most applicants struggle to use the transitionary words – moreover, however, in addition etc. Maybe, you don’t have to use any transitionary words. Go directly to the idea by connecting one sentence from the first paragraph. That is all we need to know that the 2nd paragraph is related to the first.
5) Concluding too Soon
Writing is not fun even for established writers. Larry David, who made millions writing for the 90s hit show - Seinfeld, while accepting the Paddy Chayefsky Award, shared, "I hate writing. Nothing puts me to sleep faster than picking up a pen. I hate all kinds of writing – recommendation letters, thank you notes, condolence letters, excusing my daughter from school…" When you start the writing process as a job to do, it will reflect in your essays. Even when I was writing these 10 scenarios, I was procrastinating for a couple of days, before a surge of motivation, transcended me into a 6-hour, writing, and rewriting zone. My motivation – at least some of you will take the rewriting process seriously and see it as an essential part of writing. Don’t conclude too soon. You will be able to fit your essay into the recommended word limit, but don’t let that thought hinder your writing process.
Submit your Essays here or contact us to learn more about F1GMAT’s Essay Review/Editing Services.
For hands-on Essay writing tips, use Winning MBA Essay Guide.
6) Poor Conclusions
The ambiguous ending works in movies where the director wants the moviegoers to keep the conversation going by posting theories in forums, blogs and sharing them on social media. The audience is doing the marketing for the Producers. In MBA Admissions, you are trying to capture the attention of the Essay Reviewer away from an equally competitive, perhaps even more qualified applicant. Conclude by reiterating your motivation. Keep the focus of the essay on that one idea – “Why you want to do an MBA.” All the manipulation of phrases and hooking the reader to your narrative is for this one last conclusion. We have seen applicants writing brilliant narrative, and concluding with a half-hearted motivation or information that has nothing to do with the question. You have the freedom to phrase the conclusion, but always end with your motivation when the question is a slight variation of “Why MBA,” or “Why MBA now.”
7) No Supporting Data
Quantifying results to the right degree is tricky. Applicants overdo the IMPACT part with a string of numbers with little emphasis on narrative or write at great length about how great they are without using numbers to offer any context.
Data should directly support the example you are constructing. Don’t use revenue per employee when the narrative is about “how being part of a great company culture” influenced your decision to pursue an MBA program.
Context is the key. Data should directly support your argument without making all your action converted into dollar terms. When it is all dollar talk, the attention of the essay moves away from you as a person to the question, “Does the number add up?” Your story should inspire the Admission team, not force them to be critical of the data. We have shown how you can use narrative mixed with the right numbers for a lasting impression (Download Winning MBA Essay Guide to know more)
8) Clichéd Motivation
The majority of motivations are clichéd. Joining as a consultant post-MBA, switching career from Technology, or citing strong Quant skills as the reason for entering Investment banking are a few we have seen getting repeated again and again. The number of feasible industry and job functions are limited but you can find specialization within the industry or job function, and use them strategically in your narrative. Not many applicants bother to explore the details. Your attention to the nitty gritty won’t be just a line in your essay, but a value that is demonstrated throughout your application.
9) Uninspiring
The volume goal of the admission team takes the joy out of the review process. They are reading the work of amateurs. Only 3 in 10 understand the power of narratives, the value of quantifying results and turning mundane words into memorable phrases. Most common reason for rejection is an uninspiring story. Either the applicants feel that there is a template to follow or they have done mediocre work. Most applicants fall in between the two extremes. Quite a large number of applicants underestimate their life journey as devoid of any major twists and turns. Without confidence in your life story, it is hard to search for turning points that defined who you are. Plotting those moments, and defining a story arc is essential to building an inspiring Essay. We have demonstrated the storytelling technique in Winning MBA Essay Guide.
10) Mismatch between motivation and Post-MBA Goals
MBA is not a get me out of jail card. Feasibility for switching careers depends on what the Alumni have achieved over the past 10 years. The Employment report is a useful tool to analyze what is possible and what is not. If the majority of the alumni have entered Consulting and Finance, with say 3% in Technology, your plan to get into Technology would look less persuasive. The Admission team is aware of the numbers. Unless you had a clear career progression and influence in Technology, the words and intent wouldn’t matter.
An MBA is an opportunity to bridge the skill gap, and find influencers. Empty promises and outrageous career path won’t find any takers. For the admission team, the essay measures your potential contribution in the class. Your motivation should cite experiences where your skills in fundraising, marketing, creative problem solving, or collaboration had an impact on your Employers or the non-profits you volunteered.
Send your Essays here for review or contact us to learn more about F1GMAT’s Essay Review/Editing Services.
To learn how to write a Winning MBA Essay, Download our Essay Guide
About the Author
I am Atul Jose - the Founding Consultant at F1GMAT.
Over the past 15 years, I have helped MBA applicants gain admissions to Harvard, Stanford, Wharton, MIT, Chicago Booth, Kellogg, Columbia, Haas, Yale, NYU Stern, Ross, Duke Fuqua, Darden, Tuck, IMD, London Business School, INSEAD, IE, IESE, HEC Paris, McCombs, Tepper, and schools in the top 30 global MBA ranking.
I offer end-to-end Admissions Consulting and editing services – Career Planning, Application Essay Editing & Review, Recommendation Letter Editing, Interview Prep, assistance in finding funds and Scholarship Essay & Cover letter editing. See my Full Bio.
I am also the Author of the Winning MBA Essay Guide, covering 16+ top MBA programs with 240+ Sample Essays that I have updated every year since 2013 (11+ years. Phew!!)
I am an Admissions consultant who writes and edits Essays every year. And it is not easy to write good essays.
Contact me for any questions about MBA or Master's application. I would be happy to answer them all
Winning MBA Essay Guide - A Complete Guide for M7 and Top 15 MBA Application Essays
F1GMAT's Winning MBA Essay guide will teach you how to transform your essay into a life journey with trials and tribulations that will move the admission team.
+ Over 245 Sample Essays (Read Previews of F1GMAT's Winning MBA Essay Guide Sample Essays here)
+ Top 15 MBA Programs (Harvard, Stanford, Wharton, Columbia, Booth, MIT, Kellogg, Yale, Haas, Darden, INSEAD, LBS, NYU Stern, Tuck, Duke Fuqua, Ross)
+ The Art of Storytelling
+ Leadership Narratives
+ Review Tips
+ Persuasion Strategies
+ The Secret to "unleashing" your unique voice
+ How to prepare and present for the Video Essay
+ How to write about your Strengths
+ How to write about your Weaknesses
+ Leadership Narratives
+ Review Tips
+ Persuasion Strategies
+ The Secret to "unleashing" your unique voice
+ How to prepare and present for the Video Essay
+ How to write about your Strengths
+ How to write about your Weaknesses
Want to try the individual school Essay Guides before upgrading to the Winning MBA Essay Guide? Try below.
F1GMAT's Essay Guides
Harvard MBA Essay Guide (20 Sample Essays)
Growth-Oriented Essay: Curiosity can be seen in many ways. Please share an example of how you have demonstrated curiosity and how that has influenced your growth. (up to 250 words)Example #1: Persistence Narrative
Background Information: The applicant – a design and music talent, shares her journey through several setbacks. She attributes curiosity to her growth.
Curiosity: Philosophy
Curiosity (Explained): Curiosity as a philosophy is tough to translate into a narrative unless you are from the creative industry or your contributions had an influence on a solution or an initiative.
MBA Essay Strategy: I wanted to capture the humanity of the applicant and her influence in music instead of just highlighting how she overcame multiple roadblocks to gain attention as a designer.
Theme: Persistence
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – Life Starts at NO (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #2: International Community Building
Background Information: The applicant, a Machine Learning (ML) entrepreneur specializing in healthcare diagnostics, shares how his curiosity to learn other ML algorithms’ evolution in diagnosing Alzheimer’s, cancer, and heart disease transformed his platform into a global community.
MBA Essay Strategy: I wanted to show the applicant’s contributions in diagnostic from 2020 to 2024 by citing two events. Such examples build credibility instead of engagements that were recent. The evolution of the platform from an AI development community to a community for discussing the application of AI in diagnostics is captured through a ‘curiosity’ angle.
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – Growth through Collaboration (AI in Healthcare) (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #3: Culture
Background Information: The applicant, an Entrepreneur from India narrates his first entrepreneurial experience – facilitating exchange of stamps in the late 1990s.
Theme: Culture
MBA Essay Strategy: Instead of addressing the biases in the investor community that could turn preachy, I wanted to focus on the applicant and his entrepreneurial journey by citing two entrepreneurial experiences – a platform(club) for stamp collection and his Grocery delivery App.
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – The American Dream (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #4: Addiction
Background Information: The applicant – a beneficiary of the foster home system, captures the sacrifice his adopted grandparents made to save him from a path of addiction. Paying it back through early intervention among teenagers and community engagement is the curiosity narrative.
Theme: Addiction
MBA Essay Strategy: My strategy is to capture a gratitude narrative in the first one-third of the essay to demonstrate motivation for starting the venture and dedicate the latter part of the essay to the unique solution
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – Drug Addiction and Gaming (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #5: Scarcity
Background Information: The applicant, an education major, recognizes that 70% of all students in Kenya don’t have a computer. The curiosity that drives him to pivot from one solution to another is the growth narrative.
Theme: Innovation
MBA Essay Strategy: Often, innovation is captured with a ‘hero’ narrative where the applicant is the sole originator of an idea. I wanted to break that cliché and include a person from whom the applicant learned to use a concept called ‘scaffolding.’
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – Scarcity (Growth-Oriented HBS Essay Example)Example #6: FinTech
Background Information: The applicant captures a vulnerable moment of a beneficiary to compare his journey of side hustle before a technology giant noticed his talent. Although cryptocurrency is not a flavor for the year, capture niches where innovation is still happening.
Theme: Education, Child Welfare
MBA Essay Strategy: Empathizing with a techno solution is tough without a strong backstory around the beneficiary. For the essay, I wanted to clearly establish the beneficiary – Rami, before the applicant narrates the similarities to his journey and finally shares the solution that emerged from his curiosity.
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – FinTech as a Tool for Good (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #7: Learning from the best
Background Information: The applicant – a Remote Engineer in the Oil and Gas industry, reflects on a value that has helped her learn from the best regardless of her geographical limitations.
Theme: Learning
MBA Essay Strategy: The effectiveness of the case-study method depends on the assumption that peers in a Harvard MBA class will help elevate your learning experience. For the essay, I have highlighted the applicant’s recognition of this value proposition with three examples.
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – Learning from the Best (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #8: Military & Search for IMPACT
Background Information: The most common narrative for US military applicants is to quote 9/11 and the reaction your immediate family had while watching the events unfold. The horrifying moment is captured as a motivation to join the Military. On digging deeper, most applicants would share that their motivations were diverse.
Theme: Career Choice
MBA Essay Strategy: I wanted to quickly highlight that the applicant had the choice of entering any industry. One achievement to demonstrate his curiosity that I shared in the first half is the invention of a game. Since the game is mentioned in the resume and verifiable through search, I didn’t quote the name. By clearly highlighting the person’s curiosity and career options, the family legacy is used as a factor in joining the military.
Read: Harvard MBA Curiosity Essay – Career Choice after a Military Career (Growth-Oriented HBS MBA Essay Example)
Leadership-Focused Essay: What experiences have shaped who you are, how you invest in others, and what kind of leader you want to become? (up to 250 words)Example #9: Small Business Values
Background Information: The applicant - a second-generation Asian American, is familiar with the values of fiscal conservatism, building relationships, and understanding the daily struggles of the community through his family’s department store.
Theme: Customer-Centric
MBA Essay Strategy: The applicant’s role in developing an App for the store is highlighted in the essay at a crucial part of the narrative so that the essay is not all about his father. I have also humanized the journey – by sharing how upset the father was when the revenues fell by 40%. The essay is about the transformation in the applicant’s value from a person chasing productivity and optimization technique to someone who is truly thinking about the customers.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – Small Business Values (Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #10: Breaking Away from Family Business
Background Information: A unique challenge that applicants whose parents are public figures or CXOs of businesses or entrepreneurs are the pressure to live up to the parent’s standards or milestones. For the leadership narrative, the burden of legacy is established before the narrative addresses his leadership principles.
Theme: Authenticity
MBA Essay Strategy: For the essay, I want to capture an entrepreneur’s journey to rise above his entrepreneur father’s image. But I didn’t want to make the entire essay about this complex dynamics. The narrative is around the applicant’s focus on customers and surrounding with teams who keeps him grounded.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – Breaking Away from Family Business(Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #11: Creativity and Communication
Background Information: When the overall percentage of users with internet access is 62% in South Africa and the inequality accentuated by the rural and urban divide, the applicant endured the lack of digital infrastructure, and spending close to 22% of the family income on gaining relevant information on schools, global exams, and financial assistance.
Theme: Creativity, Communication
MBA Essay Strategy: The strategy is to share why the applicant values no distraction in a child’s home for optimum education experience. Then I highlight the many roadblocks the applicant’s non-profit faced in receiving fee waiver for their cooperative run ISP.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – Non-Profit (Telecom) (Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #12: Mental Health
Background Information: The applicant like most didn’t pay much attention to the mental health epidemic until tragedy hit home.
Theme: Communication, Innovation
MBA Essay Strategy: A question we frequently get from applicants is whether they should cite tragedy in the family as a motivation for a venture or a non-profit initiative. As long as you don’t linger too much on the tragedy and offer a balanced narrative, there are no restrictions on leveraging unique stories from your life.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – Mental Health (Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #13: Trauma, Healing & Finding Authentic Self
Background Information: The applicant narrates the absurdity of war in the narrative about the duties in Kabul, and the trauma. Instead of wallowing in on the horror, the applicant takes what makes military applicants strong and guides unprivileged children build life and leadership skills.
Theme: Resilience
MBA Essay Strategy: Capturing PTSD in an essay, the healing process, and the cues that helped the applicant are too sacred to be shared in a Harvard MBA application essay. However, with the right motivation and narrative arcs, you can capture the essence of your journey without sharing the darkest secrets. That is what I did by merging two stories – the horrors of the war with a non-profit engagement.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – Military & PTSD (Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #14: Addiction, Setback and Leadership Mantra
Background Information: In this narrative, the applicant captures Peru’s Silver mining boom of 2006. The growth experienced in her father’s business shifted the family’s economic status to a new stratosphere. Through the changing economic and family dynamics, the applicant finds her voice in a unique way, initially to record her unheard voice but later as one of the youngest subject matter experts in mining and commodities.
Theme: Failure
MBA Essay Strategy: For the essay, the strategy is to show how life’s unpredictability is a blessing. By narrating two setback events, the essay demonstrates the applicant’s resilience and her acknowledgment of people who made a comeback possible.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – Addiction, Setback and Leadership Mantra (Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Example #15: War, Immigration and Starting Over Again
Background Information: Despite a raging war in Syria, the family of the applicant was unblemished by the chaos. The strategic government assets near the applicant’s house would have made the region an easy target, but it was not. The calmness of her journey is shattered in one event. From the privileges of a cocooned life, the applicant is forced to think about survival, her sister’s future, and her future in the US. The second half of the narrative captures the change that was forced on her.
Theme: Gratitude, Resilience
MBA Essay Strategy: I consciously chose not to start the essay with a dialogue or trauma. Two lines are allocated to set up the narrative before the trauma event.
Read: Harvard MBA Leadership Essay – War, Immigration and Starting Over Again (Leadership-Focused HBS MBA Essay Example)Harvard MBA Business-Minded Essay: Please reflect on how your experiences have influenced your career choices and aspirations and the impact you will have on the businesses, organizations, and communities you plan to serve. (up to 300 words)
Example #16: Creative or Finance
Background Information: The applicant starts the narrative with the origin of her talents. The unbridled enthusiasm receives a reality check when in high school, the applicant’s father has a conversation with her about academics. While the applicant picked up her quant skills, she was reaching over 50,000 loyal fans, and her videos captured 1 million views.
Theme: Passion, Talent
MBA Essay Strategy: Capturing vulnerability is the toughest part for Harvard MBA applicants. For this essay example, I have captured the applicant’s uncertainty about career choice throughout the essay. Here the goal is to show vulnerability in the career choice essay while for leadership and growth essay, I could capture one example each from creative and PE industry respectively to balance the narrative. So don’t follow this example without a strategy.
Read: Harvard MBA Business-Minded Essay – Creative or Finance (Business-Minded HBS MBA Essay Example)- Stanford MBA Essay Guide (24 Sample Essays)
- Columbia MBA Essay Guide (21 Sample Essays)
- Wharton MBA Essay Guide (15 Sample Essays)
- INSEAD MBA Essay Guide (19 Sample Essays)
- Darden MBA Essay Guide (21 Sample Essays)
- Yale SOM MBA Essay Guide (15 Sample Essays)
- Tuck MBA Essay Guide (15 Sample Essays)
- Haas MBA Essay Guide (18 Sample Essays)
- NYU Stern MBA Essay Guide (15 Sample Essays + 6 Examples - Visual Essay)
- LBS MBA Essay Guide (6 Sample Essays)
- MIT Sloan MBA Essay Guide (6 Sample Cover Letters + 3 Sample Video Statement Scripts + 3 Sample Optional Essays)
- Kellogg MBA Essay Guide (11 Sample Essays)
- Chicago Booth MBA Essay Guide (12 Sample Essays)
- Ross MBA Essay Guide (31 Sample Essays)
- Duke Fuqua MBA Essay Guide (10 Sample Essays + Two 25 Random Things Samples)
- Cambridge MBA Essay Guide (12 Sample Essays)
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